She Was Sooooooooo Blonde . . .
Q: How did the blonde break her arm
while she was raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: What do blondes and beer bottles
have in common?
A: Both are empty from the neck up.
Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes
standing in a row?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell out
of an airplane, who would land first?
A: The brunette the blonde would have
to stop and ask for directions.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a mirror on the bottom of a
swimming pool.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her
baby's diapers once a month?
A: Because the label says, Good for
up to 20 pounds.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light
up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To protect their skulls as their
heads rock left and right.
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
Q: What do you call a brunette with
a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What would a blonde say if you blew
in her ear?
A: Thanks for the refill!
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has
used your computer?
A: There'll be white-out on the screen.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde
and a computer?
A: You only have to put information
into a computer once.
Q: Why did the blonde climb over the
glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: How does a blonde do a High-Five?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes
in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws
a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why do blondes always die before
help arrives?
A: They can't dial 911 there's no eleven
on a telephone.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Their heads always get stuck in
the jar.
Q: Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of
water into those little packages.
Q: Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on
her shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in
the kitchen sink?
A: That's where you wash vegetables.
Q: What's the advantage of being married
to a blonde?
A: You can park in a handicapped zone.
Q: Why dont blondes get coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to re-train them.
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's
backside?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do an intelligent blonde and
a UFO have in common.
A: You often hear about them, but you
never see one.
Q: Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.?
A: Because they can't spell it.
Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: None, they're all true.
Q: What does a blonde who has dyed her
hair brown have?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: How many blondes does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: One, she holds the bulb still and
the world revolves around her.
Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes
in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: How do you get a blonde to climb
up on the roof?
A: Tell her that the drinks are on
the house.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half
a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite T-shirt
slogan?
A: I'm a natural blonde, please speak
slowly.
Q: What's the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: Why did the blonde freeze in the
winter?
A: Because she went to the drive-in
to see Closed for the Season.
Q: Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
A: Because they can't get the bottles
into the typewriter.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.?
A: With a tire gauge.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: What did the blonde yell when she
saw the car accident?
A: I'll go and call 911, what's the
number?
Q: What goes vroom-screech, vroom-screech?
A: A blonde driving through a flashing
red light.
Q: What's a blonde doing when she grasps
at thin air?
A: Collecting her thoughts.
Q: What would you call a bunch of blondes
stacked on top of each other?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: Why do blondes wear a ponytail?
A: To hide the valve stem.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes
mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Give her a pack of M&M's and
ask her to alphabetize them.
Q: How many blondes does it take to
make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 100; 1 to make the batter, and 99
to peel the M&M's.
Q: Why did the blonde get fired from
the M&M factory?
A: Because she kept eating all of the
ones with W's on them.
Q: What is the only job a blonde can
do in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.
Q: What do blondes and cow pies have
in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they
are to pick up.
Q: What is the mating call of a blonde?
A: I'm soooo drunk!
Q: What is the mating call of an ugly
blonde?
A: I said, I'm drunk!
Q: What is the mating call of a brunette?
A: Is that @$#&! blonde gone yet?
Q: Why do blondes always fail driver's
tests?
A: Every time the car stops, they hop
in the back seat.
Q: What would a blonde say if her doctor
told her that she was pregnant?
A: Is it mine?
Q: What did the blonde's mom say before
her daughter went out on a date?
A: If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come
home!
Q: What does a blonde use for birth
control?
A: Brown hair-dye.
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. Then, one of them decides to call 911.
Blonde: We need help, me and two other
blondes are trying to change a light bulb.
Operator: Hmm. Have you put a fresh
bulb in?
B: Yes.
O: Is the power in the house turned on?
B: Of course!
O: And the switch is on?
B: Yes, yes!
O: And the bulb still won't light up?
B: Actually, the bulb's working fine.
O: Then what's the problem?
B: Well, we got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell
off and hurt ourselves.
Q: What did the blonde say when she
saw the Cheerios?
A: Ahh, donut seeds!
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Put her in a round room and tell
her to pee in the corner.
Q: How does a blonde confuse you?
A: She tells you she did.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half
a brain ?
A: Gifted !
Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2
brain cells ?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde
dies their hair brunette ?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of
a brain ?
A: After a dye job.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window
seat on the plane ?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair
and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery
rhyme ?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light
up ?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to
twinkle ?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How can you tell if another blonde's
been using the computer ?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer
have in common ?
A: You don't know how much either of
them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: What did the blonde think of the
new computer ?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't
get channel 9.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears
?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder
pads.
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello ?
A: They can't figure out how to get
two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas ?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco
wear short black mini skirts ?
A: Cause their balls show !
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing
?
A: She was run over by the zambonis.
Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet ?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going
to leave !?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home
!"
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs ?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their
shirts ?
A: Tits Go In Front.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind
?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does
after sex ?
A: Opens the car door.
Q: How do blondes turn the light on
after sex ?
A: Kick open the car door.
Q: What do blondes say after sex ?
A1: "Thanks, Guys !"
A2: "Are you boys all in the same band
?"
A3: Do you guys all play for the ?
A4: Who were all those guys ?
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows
in another blonde's ear ?
A: Data transfer.
Q: How do you get a blonde
to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: How does a blonde kill
a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London
on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that
are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde
for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over'
on both sides of a piece of paper
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties
and slides her ass along the floor!
Q: What do you call a blond
mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: What is the blonde doing
when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to
a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare
at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why don't blondes have
elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the
route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven
days a week?
A: So you don't have to
retrain them on Monday.
Q: What is foreplay for
a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What did the blonde say
when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy,
I'm not hurt."
Q: How does a blonde commit
suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes
into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: Why did god give blonds
2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want
them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: How do you get a one-armed
blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Leave a scratch and
sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How do you describe a
blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: What do you call a blonde
with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
Q: What is the best blonde
secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses
a period.
Q: How do you confuse a
blonde?
A: You don't. They're born
that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to
peel.
Q: How do you drive a blonde
crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms
and tell her to alphabetise them.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before
E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Q: How do you know when
a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells
all over the kitchen floor.
Q: Do you know why the blonde
got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the
W's.
Q: How do you keep a blonde
in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder
pads?
A: To keep from bruising
their ears.
Q: Why does the blonde stand
in front of a window during a thunder storm?
A: She loves taking pictures
(flashes, got it?).
Q: What do you call 10 blondes
at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy
say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: What's brown and red
and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told
one too many blonde jokes.
Q: What do you call a brunette
and three blondes on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if
you've got 3 condoms.
Q: Why did the blonde keep
ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the
refrigerator cold.
Q: How did the blonde break
her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the
tree.
Q: How many blondes does
it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: How many blondes does
it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in
the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How did the blonde die
drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn
her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: How can you tell when
a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on
it.
Q: How can you tell if a
blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts
out of the toaster in one piece.