ARE YOU FEELING EXTREMELY GUILTY?

         This page has been replaced by a more extensive web site, which 
     is located at: GUILT PROCESS INDEX PAGE  I'm leaving this page 
     up, since it's listed in several search engines.  Most of the information 
     covered in this page is covered better on the actual web site.




         People feel "guilty" for a variety of reasons, not all of which 
     are really true guilt...  Sometimes, they feel what they call guilt 
     because of things which they had no control over; or, which had 
     virtually no effects on anyone.  Other times, it's just a vague and 
     elusive feeling, which doesn't correspond with any real event. None 
     of these are "real guilt."  If you're 30 and you're still feeling 
     badly about ditching class back in the fourth grade, you definitely 
     have a problem; but, it's not one that I can help you with... If you 
     feel badly about engaging in something which is essentially obsessive 
     and/or compulsive behavior, same situation....
         If, on the other hand, what you are experiencing is guilt which 
     qualifies as severe remorse over events which caused real harm and 
     over which you had a reasonable degree of control and culpability, 
     this page is posted for you.  Its purpose is to offer you a means of 
     obtaining closure regarding the issues which have been damaging not 
     only your lives, but sometimes even the lives of those around you, 
     (often for years...)


         If you find yourself answering "yes" to several of the following 
     questions, perhaps I can help.


     1) Is your guilt the result of a specific event, or course of events? 


     2) Did you have a significant amount of control over the outcome?


     3) Did a considerable amount of harm occur as the result of your 
        decisions and/or actions?


     4) Have you been asked "Just how long are you going to keep punishing 
        yourself for THAT???" and found yourself replying, either verbally 
        or mentally, with, "I guess until someone else does it for me..."?


     5) Have you had trouble with your relationships or career because of 
        not feeling that you really desreve to succeed after having done 
        what you did?


     6) Have you engaged in other self-destructive or self-sabotaging 
        behaviors as the result of, or since, committing the act(s) in 
        question?


     7) Do you feel that punishment would be justified if the act(s) had 
        been committed by someone else under similar circumstances?


     8) Is it difficult for you to look yourself in the eyes (in a mirror) 
        and tell yourself that you're a good and worthwhile person since 
        you've done the act(s) in question?


     9) Do you tend to be suspicious of, or think poorly of, people who 
        have a high opinion of you?


    10) Do you tend to feel as though, "If they knew what I'd done, they'd 
        think as poorly of me as I do..."?


    11) Do you tend to define who you are by what you did?


    12) Are you willing to go to virtually any lengths to regain your 
        self-respect?


         The results seem pretty dismal?  Don't despair -- a high score 
     actually means that there's a good chance I can help.  First, we 
     need to cover a couple of other points before we go much further...


         If your feelings of guilt are NOT tied to a specific event (or, 
     series of events) in your life, in which a considerable amount of 
     harm was done and over which you had a significant degree of control 
     over the outcome, it is more likely the result of a more generalized 
     depression, quite likely due to an imbalance in the chemistry of your 
     brain.  If this seems to be the case, please consult a professional 
     in the fields of medicine or psychology.  If you cannot afford to do 
     so, please check your local phone directory, virtually every town of 
     decent size has free or low cost / sliding scale resources for the 
     treatment of depression.  You don't need what's being offered on this 
     page; and, you should be very glad of that...


         If, on the other hand, your guilt feelings are directly tied to 
     some specific, clearly defined, action or course of events over which 
     you had significant personal control; and, in spite of other attempts 
     to deal with it, you're finding yourself to be your own toughest 
     judge and jury, read on -- you just might have found a way to finally 
     be able to close that chapter of your life and move on into more 
     positive directions...


         Before we get much further, I should tell you that I am NOT a 
     mental health professional.  A few of the folks in my organization 
     have a background in counseling or mental health; but, even if they 
     work with you, they do  NOT  do so in a professional capacity! 
     We are "lay people" who's primary focus is one of making some 
     changes in the criminal justice system, including the reintroduction 
     of corporal sentencing, as an alternative to incarceration.  We run 
     a small alternative sentencing pilot program; but, as an off-shoot of 
     doing so, we found that we were getting numerous inquiries from 
     people who were not facing actual court charges; but, who were in 
     serious trouble with "the judge in their own head."  After agreeing 
     to help some of these folks, it became apparent that the methods we 
     used worked very well for these people, provided there were no other 
     significant factors which were contributing to the person's problem.  
     Both the CAS (court related) and the guilt program (NON-court related) 
     are run along very similar lines; but, they are independant of one 
     another.


         Even though both programs utilize corporal punishment as a 
     signifigant consequence, something else we are NOT is affiliated 
     with BDSM...  Despite any surface similarities, they are "apples 
     and oranges" from one another.  We have no interest in playing 
     out any fantasies with you or doing anything even remotely erotic 
     with you.  This process involves serious work and is intended to 
     afford closure to the issues surrounding your past actions, NOT to 
     be any sort of "play."  I realize that a few of you might have been 
     desperate enough to seek out the services of "Dom/mes;" but, if that 
     had worked for you, you probably wouldn't be here...  Would you??? 
     If you did come here looking for bdsm, you're in the WRONG PLACE; 
     so, I would suggest that you might have a more successful search 
     for what you really want at:  Stephen Stovall's web site.  He has an 
     extensive personal ads section, where you should be able to find 
     someone who would be happy to play out BDSM fantasies with you.  
     We ABSOLUTELY will NOT!!!


         Just because large segments of society now insist that there 
     should be few, if any, rules of ethics; and, that any feelings of a 
     need for punishment are the off-shoots of either depression or BDSM 
     tendencies, this does NOT make their opinions accurate.  I've seen 
     people drive themselves into substance abuse, the self-sabotaging of 
     jobs or relationships, domestic violence situations, suicide attempts, 
     and a variety of other self-destructive behaviors because of those 
     prevailing attitude that there is something disturbed or kinky about 
     the person not being able to just dismiss any legitimate guilt, 
     without having experienced some punishment for the actions which 
     precipitated it...  "Just forgive yourself and go on!" SOUNDS good; 
     but, there's nothing abnormal about a person needing some assistance 
     in accomplishing that.  Providing a safe, confidential, and effective 
     means of delivering a fair and objectively determined punishment 
     for their actions is a far better (and, ulitimately, even a more 
     compassionate) solution than just letting them dig themselves into 
     a deeper hole, to a chorus of, "Just get over it!..."


         What does this "guilt program" entail?  It's a well developed, 
     four phase, process which incorporates a series of written assignments, 
     some done by e-mail and some done after we meet (intended to bring 
     the key elements to the surface, where they can be identified and 
     addressed during the punishment phase), one to three days of very 
     intensive one-on-one discussion of these assignments; then, a rather 
     severe (but safe), objectively determined, corporal punishment is 
     used as a very effective atonement catharsis.  This is followed by 
     approximately 24 hours of observation, further written assignments, 
     and discussion.  It's not a "magic bullet;" nor is it intended to 
     replace any needed therapy with a licensed professional; but, in 
     situations involving legitimate guilt, it's routine to accomplish 
     more in just two to four days than could accomplished in years 
     of trying to deal with these issues in therapy.  They have expertise 
     in dealing with a wide variety of issues, many of which are side 
     issues to even legitimate guilt; but, unfortunately, the type of 
     guilt I help people to get beyond proves frustrating for a therapist 
     because what is really needed is actual punishment -- which they'd 
     lose their license if they were to inflict...


         Two questions I'm commonly asked are "What sort of people turn  
     to a solution like this?" and, "What sort of things have they done?"  
     The people who contact me generally have a strong set of ethics; 
     but, due to some lapse, rationalization, or negligence have done 
     something which they simply can not excuse or resolve within the 
     self-image of the person they feel they should be.  The types of 
     transgressions vary widely.  Some are of a strictly moral nature, 
     others were of a variety which would have landed them into prison, 
     if they had been caught or if all of the true facts had come out at 
     the time.  Sometimes the events happened while a person was actively 
     abusing alcohol or some other substance; then, after they had stopped 
     that behavior, they were still plagued by what they had done "in 
     their former life."  Some events, similarly, occurred prior to some 
     other life changing event, which caused considerable changes in their 
     attitudes and behaviors.  Still others have been "accidents" which 
     occured as the result of negligence, out of control emotions, etc.  
     They do NOT tend to be "weirdos" or "bad people;" and, we don't 
     treat them as such.  Anyone having the courage, conscience, and ethics 
     it takes to go through with this difficult course of action has also 
     earned the right to be treated with some dignity.  

     

         You're still here???
         Okay...  Let's get down to business about what we do...  


         If you really belong on this page, you've probably answered 
     some variety of the question, "How much longer are you going to 
     keep punishing yourself???" with either the verbal, or mental, 
     answer of "I guess until somebody else does it for me..."  We do 
     exactly that, using a very painful (but, non-damaging) form of 
     corporal punishment, to form a bridge between your past and your 
     future.  Everything we do is geared toward finally appeasing that 
     part of you which we refer to as "the judge in your head."  After one 
     to three days of intensive writing, self-inventorying, and talking, 
     you are strapped onto a specially designed metal frame, your back 
     is bared, and you are whipped in the same manner as our CAS (court 
     related) clients.  This cathartic event is followed by another day 
     of post-punishment writing and talking.  You should expect to have 
     welt marks on your back for anywhere between a few days to a few 
     weeks (depending upon the severity of the sentence, your individual 
     healing rate, and how well after-care instructions are followed); 
     but, no scarring.  The number of lashes will be decided by the same 
     staff committee which makes the sentencing recommendations for our 
     court related, alternative sentencing program cases (see link at 
     bottom of page); and, are based upon similar criteria.  Your input 
     will be considered; but, you do not get to specify the number of 
     lashes you will receive.  Sentencing is done in this way to prevent 
     you from being able to second guess yourself later; and, because our 
     clients don't have a factual basis upon which to decide what might be 
     fair versus what might be excessive.  They would just be, essentially, 
     pulling numbers out of thin air, based upon little other than their 
     imaginations.  Also, making the decision to give up this control is 
     the first step to breaking the hold which your guilt has upon you.  
         We hold you accountable for what you've done; but, we also help 
     you to identify your strengths and positive traits.  Sometimes this 
     is more difficult for our clients to accept than if we treated them 
     poorly; but, the whipping is the punishment.  The rest of our work, 
     before and after the punishment, is geared toward solidly linking it 
     with the action (or its components) which caused the guilt, preventing 
     any future occurrances, or finding ways in which your experiences can 
     be turned to good uses.  Insults and humiliation are NOT components 
     of our program.  
         Every effort will be made to protect your identity and all 
     correspondence, or other information you provide, will be treated  
     as confidential.  Exceptions to this must be: admissions of murder, 
     admissions of the sexual abuse of a child; or threats of any nature. 
     You will be expected to do a lot of work in a notebook; but, this 
     notebook will not leave your control and no copies will be made.  It 
     is strictly for the purpose of making this an effective experience 
     for you...


         The next thing you're probably wondering about is how well this 
     works.  You have a great deal of control over that; but, under the 
     right conditions, VERY well...  If your guilt feelings are the side-
     effect of clinical depression, if you are experiencing false guilt 
     over issues which you had no real control, or if you refuse to make 
     the needed changes, you'd be wasting your time by contacting us.  If, 
     on the other hand, your guilt is the result of a specific event, or 
     series of events, which you made poorly thought through or unethical 
     decisions which contributed to the outcome; and, you are willing to 
     dilegently follow our suggestions, you can use this experience as your 
     bridge away from your past.  Since the punishment is directly tied to 
     the events which caused the guilt, people are able to come away with a 
     feeling that those event have finally been "paid for in full..."  To 
     further reinforce that, you have the option of taking home a video 
     tape of the punishment, to play when you experience "habit guilt." 
     (Similar to finding oneself starting to write out a check for home 
     mortgage or car payment, during the first couple of months after it 
     has been paid off...)


         Since you're still here, you're probably wondering what all of this 
     costs.  We are an organization, rather than a company / business.  We 
     are not in a position where we can afford to foot the bill out of our 
     own pockets or always donate our time; but, we also realize that many 
     of you have spent years self-sabotaging yourselves, as a sub-conscious 
     attempt at self-punishment.  I make every attempt to keep the costs to 
     a minimum.  These include the costs of travel, lodging, and any other 
     associated expenses.  If the client is in a position where s/he can 
     afford it, I ask that they pay $100 per day, per person (average total 
     of $200 to $500, plus the expenses;) but, that can be waived down to 
     expenses only, when the circumstances require it.  If the staff fees 
     are waived, however, I usually work both slots myself, since I can't 
     ask any of my people to work without pay (especially when it would 
     require that they take off from their regular jobs, be away from their 
     families for a few days, etc.)  If I waive all or part of the staff fees, 
     I ask that you perform a reasonable amount of community service, 
     in return...  I feel that if I, and / or any of my staff, donate time 
     and energy to helping you; you should be just as willing to donate 
     your time and energy to someone else, who needs your help...  Besides, 
     this way, you have an opportunity to improve your self-image by being 
     a real help to someone in your own community, instead of having it 
     lowered by feeling like a "charity case."  What form this community 
     service takes will depend upon the circumstances of your case and 
     what is available in your area.  Whenever possible, we try to make 
     it correlate with what caused the guilt; but, when that isn't practical, 
     almost every community has some very worthy organizations who are 
     in need of assistance...


         Last; but, anything BUT "least," I realize that the prospect of 
     contacting me after having read all of this is enough to scare the 
     daylights out of just about anyone who feels as though they might 
     need our services...  No one other than you can make the decision 
     whether, or not, you'll take that long, deep, breath and click on 
     the e-mail link which is provided below.  I suggest that you weight 
     the damage that your guilt is doing to your life and the lives of 
     those around you.  If it's fairly insignificant, don't click on the 
     link....  If, on the other hand, it's causing some real problems, 
     bear in mind that fear doesn't change facts, only action does...  
     Obtaining more information, bookmarking this page, even filling out 
     the application you'll be sent are many steps away from actually 
     committing to going down this path...  As long as you're serious, 
     I DON'T feel as though people are "wasting my time" by contacting 
     me.  I have very little tolerance for people who're only looking for 
     "grins and giggles;" but, I have a LOT of patience with anyone who 
     is sincere.  I'll do what I can, even when it involves helping you to 
     find some other route, if there seems to be any which might work for 
     you.  Contacting me or even filling out the application doesn't 
     obligate either of us; so, just break it down into small steps and 
     see where things go from there... {smile}


         To ask questions or request an information packet, 
         email Kathy Renbarger at:   fedup@flash.net
         Please include a brief description of your reason 
         for contacting me, so that I'll have a better idea 
         of what to send you.




         To learn more about our organization and its efforts to change 
     criminal justice, go to the CFEJ web site, which is located at: 
http://www.reducecrime.org