Start out in Joe's Bar (you are carrying a flashlight and the comic book that came with your game, and you are wearing overalls). This is where you decide whether you want to be a boy or a girl. If you want to be a boy, go Northwest. If you wish to be a girl, go Northeast. Next, GET STOOL. Then PISS. Then go back the way you came, either Southeast or Southwest. Now for the fun part... type LEWD, then 19 (for your age). Now WAIT until you're in the cell on Phobos and you now have a rule book and are wearing a brass loincloth! READ RULE BOOK. It looks like you're being sacrificed in the interests of the Leather Goddesses' objective to enslave the human race! GET ALL EXCEPT TRAY and notice that the painting depicts a pussy cat. EXAMINE TRAY and TAKE FOOD. OPEN DOOR, and go South. READ SIGN, then OPEN NARROW DOOR, go South, where you now meet an Alaskan called Trent... He'll be quite useful as we progress! EXAMINE PAPER, which you find to be a seemingly meaningless matrix of letters! ASK TRENT ABOUT PAPER. He doesn't know what it means, but can you see the words "rubber hose" on the top line; "phone book" on the 4th line; "headlight" on the 6th line; and "cotton balls" on the bottom line? Go north and Trent now follows you. Go up and LOOK THROUGH WINDOW and you can now see into the Examination Room. Switch to "LEWD" mode for a moment and look through the window again! Go up and you'll see your first "black circle" here. ENTER CIRCLE and you're now teleported to a Martian Desert.
Go west and then northwest, and you see a little white marsmouse. SHOW PAINTING TO MOUSE and it freezes with fear! TAKE MOUSE and DROP PAINTING. Go south, east, north three times. Trent tells you about now, of his plan that he has scribbled about on a matchbook. ENTER BARGE and EXAMINE CONTROLS. READ ORANGE BUTTON ("Magnetomoor On", must be some kind of docking aid). READ PURPLE BUTTON ("Go with the flow" means that you can only go eastwards along the canal). READ MATCHBOOK (the parts list for Trent's thing! Well, we've got the mouse so far! DROP MATCHBOOK and PRESS ORANGE BUTTON. READ ORANGE BUTTON and the writing changes, so be careful next time you use it! WAIT four times, then PRESS ORANGE BUTTON. You now dock at the Baby Dock, and the writing on the button changes yet again. EXIT BARGE, and go north, and EXAMINE MESSAGE.
Now this is where you need to read the relevant section of the Lane Mastedon comic that came with your game package. Basically it is, as the comic tells you, a "3-letter transposition cipher". The message is as follows:
VSDFHHQN UXRB VVLN RW PLK JQLNVD BE PLK RW IOHVUXRB BILWQHGL --------- SDP WHUFHV HKW WHJ GQD VVHQDWOXV HKW IR ---------- (this next bit is a randomly generated number which remains UNCHANGED throughout the deciphering - so be careful to make a note of it!) UHEPXQ GQDEVXK WFDWQRF RW VL QRLVVLP UXRB.
Translate it by three moves of each letter toward the beginning of the alphabet. The first letter 'V' becomes 'S', second letter 'S' becomes 'P', third letter 'D' becomes 'A' and so on. Remember to leave the NUMBER as it is. Translated fully, the message now reads:
SPACEENK RUOY SSIK OT MIH GNIKSA YB MIH OT FLESRUOY YFITNEDI -------- PAM TERCES EHT TEG DNA SSENATLUS EHT FO (Number) REBMUN DNABSUH TCATNOC OT SI NOISSIM RUOY.
It is now simply read backwards from the lower right back up to the upper left to read:
YOUR MISSION IS TO CONTACT HUSBAND (or wife) NUMBER (number) OF THE SULTANESS (or Sultan) AND GET THE SECRET MAP ---------- IDENTIFY YOURSELF TO HIM (or her) BY ASKING HIM (or her) TO KISS YOUR KNEECAPS.
TAKE BALM, go south, ENTER BARGE. READ ORANGE BUTTON, then PRESS ORANGE BUTTON, and WAIT. PRESS PURPLE BUTTON, WAIT twice, then PRESS ORANGE BUTTON. PRESS PURPLE BUTTON, EXIT BARGE (to My kinda Dock). Go east, south, TAKE PIN, go north, then east, and LOOK INTO WELL. This reveals some handholds leading down. CLIMB DOWN and you eventually return to the barge. EXIT BARGE and go east twice, then north, and the Sultan asks you if you're ready to answer his riddle. Answer "YES". Trent answers wrongly and is lead away. Now it's your turn! SAY "RIDDLE" and you're advised to go West. Go west and the Guard asks you to pick a number. Refer to the number you noted after deciphering the Martian message, earlier, and SAY "(number)". You can now enter. Go west and WAIT. You're now led into the Inner Harem. You must now enter a precise command incorporating the number of your partner. (NUMBER), KISS MY KNEECAPS and you're given a secret map, and a torch then shown a secret entrance leading downwards. EXAMINE MAP refers you to the Catacombs map in your game documentation).
One point to remember here is that there is a particular method to safely traverse the Catacombs. In the game comic there is a picture in the story which describes the safe method of crossing the CANAL. You must CLAP your hands at least ONCE every FIVE minutes, HOP ONCE every NINE minutes and SAY "KWEEPA" every ELEVEN minutes. Use this method when traveling through the Catacombs.
TAKE TORCH (it's already on!), and go DOWN and you're knee-deep in CANAL water! Trent now joins you after escaping safely. Go northwest, north, and CLAP, northeast, east, and CLAP, then HOP. Go northeast twice, CLAP, SAY "KWEEPA". Go southeast, DOWN, CLAP, HOP. Go northwest, northeast, CLAP, and SAY "KWEEPA", Go north, south, HOP, CLAP. Go northeast, up, CLAP. Go northwest, SAY "KWEEPA", HOP, CLAP. TAKE DIRECTORY (one of Trent's "parts"), go northwest, clap. Go south, southeast, HOP, CLAP. Go southeast, SAY "KWEEPA", go DOWN, CLAP. Go northeast, HOP, west, CLAP, SAY "KWEEPA". Go east, west, HOP, CLAP. Go southwest twice, CLAP, SAY "KWEEPA". HOP, TAKE RAFT, go north, CLAP. Go northeast, east, HOP, CLAP. SAY "KWEEPA", go northwest, CLAP, HOP. Go north, up, and you eventually arrive back in the Laundry Room!).
Go north, DROP TORCH. Go east, southeast, up and ENTER CIRCLE and you're in complete darkness!. TURN ON LIGHT (your flashlight, that is. You find yourself in a cramped space, when the floor suddenly gives way, dropping the pair of you back in the Cell! Go south, up, north, DROP STOOL, and STAND ON STOOL. TAKE BASKET, which'll serve TWO purposes as we travel. Firstly to carry more items, and secondly to house a robot baby! CLIMB OFF STOOL, ENTER CIRCLE and you're now in a jungle on Venus.
Go east and a Venus Flytrap is after you! ENTER HOLE and the Flytrap now leaves temporarily! STAND ON TRENT to leave the hole. Go east and TAKE and READ CAN ("Marsco Brand Black Hyperdimensional Transport Circle Stain"!). Use it to "repair" a malfunctioning circle when we come across it. Go northeast, east, northwest, PULL KNOB, OPEN BOX and a coin falls out. PUT ALL IN BASKET (obviously everything will not go in the basket, but this command saves time!). TAKE COIN, go southeast, north, and you now meet a Salesman. OFFER FLASHLIGHT TO SALESMAN. You're left a TEE remover machine. TAKE MACHINE, KNOCK ON DOOR, and you're now dragged inside! Go DOWN and the Scientist blocks your exit! THROW FOOD IN CAGE, WAIT, and you and Trent are now strapped on slabs. WAIT and you're now inside the cage. Well some of you is! TAKE FOOD, EXAMINE then KISS FEMALE. TAKE HOSE, EAT FOOD, BEND BARS, EXIT CAGE. DROP HOSE, UNTIE TRENT, then UNTIE YOUR BODY. PULL SWITCH and GET OFF SLAB. GET HOSE, ENTER CIRCLE and you arrive at the Vizicom Booth.
Go southeast, ENTER CIRCLE to transport to the Royal Dock. Go south, DROP MACHINE. go south twice, east, and EXAMINE FROG. APPLY BALM TO LIPS, PUT PIN ON NOSE, DROP ALL, COVER EARS WITH HANDS. CLOSE EYES and KISS FROG (Wow!!). TAKE ALL, READ ENGRAVING. REMOVE BALM, REMOVE PIN and DROP IT. Go east, southeast (the circle fades). APPLY STAIN TO CIRCLE, DROP CAN, ENTER CIRCLE and you're now in Cleveland.
Go south, TAKE ALL, go north, northeast, and up. TAKE SHEET, LOOK THROUGH WINDOW and you see a 1933 Ford with a loose headlight! RIP SHEET, TIE STRIPS TOGETHER, then TIE ROPE TO BED, and PUT ROPE THROUGH WINDOW. Trent will use it. WAIT twice. Trent eventually returns! TAKE HEADLIGHT, GO DOWNSTAIRS, east and TAKE TRELLIS. MOVE SOD and you find another black circle. ENTER CIRCLE and you're now back at the end of the Hallway on Phobos.
Go north, ENTER CIRCLE to go to the Main Hall of the Palace. Go west and ENTER BARGE. PRESS ORANGE BUTTON, PUT RAFT IN CANAL, PRESS PURPLE BUTTON, ENTER RAFT. The barge must now proceed EMPTY to pass the Ion Beam downstream. WAIT three times, GRAB DOCK and you're now at Wattz-Upp Dock. TAKE RAFT, and go west twice, northwest, west twice, and ENTER CIRCLE to go to the basement on Phobos. Go up, and north, ENTER CIRCLE to go to the Palace again. Go east, CLIMB DOWN WELL. Because you climbed "DOWN" well instead of just "Climb Well", this time you arrive on your barge, which is now waiting at the Icy Dock.
EXIT BARGE. Has Trent really gone?! Go south, southeast, and READ SIGN. GIVE COIN TO PENGUIN and you receive some change, so bear this in mind when you need to buy something later. Go southeast, north, and TAKE BABY. COVER BABY WITH BLANKET, and go south. DROP RAKE, TAKE MOUSE, EMPTY BASKET, PUT BABY IN BASKET. Go south and PUT BASKET ON STOOP. WAIT twice and a woman collects the baby robot. OPEN DOOR and ENTER IGLOO. TAKE BALLS, and go northeast, and the Matron blows you back to the South Pole! Go north, OPEN SACK and you see it is full of leaves. It'll also carry your surplus items. PUT ALL IN SACK (everything that will go in, does so). TAKE ALL and go northwest, west, and ENTER CIRCLE to go back to Wattz-Upp Dock.
Go west twice, northwest, and west twice again. Meanwhile Trent joins you from a fountain on the way! ENTER CIRCLE to go to the Basement. Go up twice, then north. It's dark here, but the location strip at the top of your screen tells you that you are in the Closet. ENTER CIRCLE and you're back to the Venusian jungle, and that Flytrap has returned! Go east, DROP TRELLIS, ENTER HOLE (off it goes). STAND ON TRENT, TAKE TRELLIS, and COVER HOLE WITH TRELLIS. COVER TRELLIS WITH LEAVES, go west to attract the Flytrap. Go east, and wait four times (got it!!). Go west twice, TAKE JAR, EXAMINE JAR, which contains "untangling" cream. ENTER CIRCLE to go to the hold of the Spaceship.
A grenade is thrown at you but Trent steps in yet again! TAKE SWORD and go south. CLIMB ON STALLION, and go west, CLIMB OFF STALLION, TAKE SUIT. WEAR SUIT, OPEN HATCH, go north, and KILL THORBAST WITH SWORD. Repeat until Thorbast lets go of HIS sword. TAKE SWORD and GIVE THORBAST HIS SWORD. Thorbast kills himself! KILL MONSTER WITH SWORD, UNTIE WOMAN, go north, and Elysia, the woman, gives you a PHOTO with a note on the back. OPEN DOOR, and go east. After a lustful encounter, you return to the Space Yacht location. Go south twice, and Trent returns! Go east eight times, ENTER CIRCLE.
You will now be transported to a random location. Wherever you land, you should make the best route to the Throne Room of King Mitre, where you left the machine earlier.
So, from back in the Throne Room, TAKE MACHINE, EXAMINE MACHINE. OPEN COMPARTMENT, and PUT JAR IN COMPARTMENT, then CLOSE COMPARTMENT. TURN MACHINE ON, and OPEN COMPARTMENT. Well, you knew it was a TEE remover and it's removed the 'T' out of "untangling", leaving you with some "un-angling" cream! TAKE JAR, DROP MACHINE, APPLY CREAM TO ANGLE. You have released the Princess Theta! The King gives you an eighty-two degree angle in gratitude. DROP JAR, TAKE ANGLE, and go north. PUT RAFT IN CANAL, ENTER RAFT, wait six times, GRAB DOCK and you're now on Donald Dock. Go south, east, south and READ SIGN (!!). BUY EXIT (you need the change that the penguins gave you). GIVE COIN TO PROPRIETOR and he drops the exit tube in the dust. RAKE DUST and you now have the tube. Go north and OPEN TUBE. You find a flexible black circle. DROP CIRCLE and ENTER CIRCLE. You are now in a Boudoir. GET OFF COUCH, SMELL ODOR (Leather!). SEARCH DIVAN, WAIT, and you're ejected onto a Plaza. Now, AS HE ASKS FOR THEM, give the items to Trent. It could be in a DIFFERENT ORDER than this solution!
Trent operates the machine and a banana peel squirts out! Now sit back and enjoy the Final Message, and collect your maximum points of 316/316 with a promotion to the rank of Interplanetary Emperor!
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